The hole you mentioned is the hold I noticed with him. I started to get calls on our childrens birthdays from girls claiming to be involved with my ex, strange calls at night claiming he had late night dinner work meetings. Finances were a mess, late bills, nonpayments, and of course as stay home mom of 3 for 13 yrs I was dependent upon him for everything.
He used this to his advantage, getting me to beg for money just to feed our kids with his allotted allowance. Keep in mind the reason we managed to stay together for 11 yrs was due in large part to him living five states away and only weekend visits. Eventually we began to argue over the regular relationship type things but I noticed with him it was different.
Instead of discussing them he would walk away and make you speak to his backside as he freely roamed from room to room. As time went on I felt like a prisoner in my own home, used, abused in every form physical, emotional, verbal , psych, and financial. He controlled every aspect of our lives.
He became abusive when I learned of the deepest secrets he was hiding. It was no longer just triangulation, gaslighting, it progressed to physical violence. I immediately filed for protection then support, took my kids and went to my parents home. This time it was real as he shoved me up against a plaster wall cracking the concrete after I asked him why I found evidence of items on our computer search history indicating he was having affairs again..
The discard and devalue was something no one could have explained. I was left after 11 yrs with 3 kids one med disabled ,no money, nothing in savings, living off of credit cards secured using his income, no job, no home yes he took our home nothing but the clothes on our back. I moved in with family temporarily and applied for assistance.
I lived two yrs off of credit cards while he moved on to the honeymoon phase with the new supply. I was devastated to say the least. The pain was unbearable. The courts and attorneys were more hurtful to us then the narc. As I learned the judge prolonged hearings giving him time to hide in the woods to prevent payment. The master judge gave him time to show up for court hearings, that were scheduled months in advance. I never signed one tax document in the entire marriage nor ever seen a bill.
I had to rebuild my life from the bottom. So I did what I knew to do, after volunteering the past 13 yrs I increased my volunteer hours with nonprofits in hopes of being recognized. I re connected on linked in and other social sites such as twitter and facebook to increase my base and network. I did what I new how to do best.
I was taken back by your statement of how your ex was a millionaire. Because mine was the same. He lived in a material world, and lived the lifestyle of the rich and famous in Washington dc where he resided. That was my first validation. I lived like you in a two bedroom home with my family of four. I had no room for myself, slept on pull out sofa in parlor. Yet I was happier on public assistance than when I was married with him bringing in over gs a year.
I learned during volunteering that many were happy with less, and when I felt alone or depressed I began to think of those less fortunate and counted my blessings. I did more in the last 4 yrs career and goal oriented wise that I never dreamt possible. To live your true self is a blessing. Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings on this matter and thank you for telling your story. I congratulate you on your success and hope someday to have the same. Narcissists, never change.
However, we can, and will for the better. This was exactly what I needed to read today! It seems like my X narc is really happy with in his new life. But I remember many times when he would call me in the morning tormented, anxiety ridden and sorrowful. He would pop a Xanax and go drinking while cheating on me. As devastating as it was in the beginning, life is a million times better. I have my faith in Jesus which has been the best thing EVER to help get through the excruciating times. Interestingly, in the bible, Palms 73 it describes narcissists and what later happens to these wicked human beings.
We cannot believe these individuals are happy in any way. Great article. Thank you! This is a great article. You nailed it. This is exactly what it feels like to be a narcissist. My existence, most definitely, does not feel pleasant. People that casually know me, would have no clue. I can certainly put on a good show. I was the narcissist melanie speaks of, and she is right about me. I am never going to get my head straight, not after her hacking my phone, stalking me, recording me, and I never got a call from her when I was needing her.
But when someone else came to me, she changed her mind about me. My life is not a good time, and still have no private time. This article has truly helped me put things in perspective. Only this week I started to feel like this all because I heard my ex has a woman with three kids. He got himself an instant family. Whereas I have no children and no job. I know better things are yet to come for me and that gives me hope. I have something in common with you, I have no children and no job layed off six months ago and then began no contact for the 2nd time with my ex-narcissist.
Stay strong! I needed this article. I am ending hopefully next month at trial a Definite narcissist! The last 7 years the worst, serial affairs, violence, etc. I got an exparte last November and he was removed from the home. He immediately stopped paying his own credit cards now has debit collectors calling daily and bought a new truck.
He just informed me last week he and his girlfriend are buying a new home and move in the 27th. Hes manipulated the Guardian Ad Litem in the case…I could go on and on. I am just tired and ready to have peace. Really helpful post. I have 2 teenage boys that live with me. Nothing like living life real and knowing who and what you want without anything getting in the way of that. Melanie, after reading this, I have better understanding towards someone I care about. I keep surprising him when he finds out of my other capabilities, he makes me feel like he thinks i am a super person.
Maybe he is just one with super inflated ego individual? How do you tell those people apart? The milder Narcs, still with super inflated ego, and the total Narcs? Admiration is SO much easier to fake than respect! You only need words to fake admiration; respect involves behaviours. The important thing is to remain independent — financially, materially do not move in with him! This will save you from so much anxiety, stress, grief and self-loathing in the long run. And when you are ready to learn the lesson that you need to learn from this experience, you will have that lightbulb moment and will understand why this person came into your life, and you will be able to be thankful for the opportunatiy to learn something very important.
And finally, you will realise how very blessed you are, and you will be grateful to the universe for not having to go through life with an empty, yawning bottomless pit inside you, than can never be filled. And you compassion for others will have been multiplied.
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Hi Amy, Thanks for explaining that. Yeah, he never admitted anything, but he told my friend who happened to be his exec. I was ready to tell him to go to hell the first 3 months after that incident if he dares to come closer. But then I reached the conclusion I have to make peace with myself. I am not the problem, so why do I have to keep the anger inside me? That, too, seems to bother him that i go on with my life, laughing, joking around my friends around him.
Anyway, sometimes I miss him as a chat friend. Yes, I maintain my independence and everything. Last time I met him, I caught him stealing glances. He is Hoovering you. Do read up on Hoovering Tactics of Narcs. Never give a Narc the benefit of any doubt. A Narc is a narc is a narc. He is so interested in you because you are a challenge and are not falling for him easily.
It is all a game to him. Thank you firstly for sharing an insight to your personal story, it moved me. I found this article came at the right time. It has been over two months now i have managed to NOT contact him, already i feel i have gained power back. This week i felt i was slipping a little bit, so receiving this email helped me lots.
It is hard i wont lie, getting up in the morning feels like an effort. I am trying my best to pull my positives and just sit with my pain and deal with each emotion one at a time. I used to look into his eyes and see deep sadness. I used to feel sorry for him, not any more, he lied, betrayed, hit, shouted, treated me like he hated me, yet HE thought it was love. Memories get to me right now, they say that when you die or grow older you have tiny visions and flash backs, this is what is happening for me, i am going through all the memories and one by one i am letting go of them.
I have a nice soul, caring and loving and that narc attempted to destroy it. It is about me now. I do feel at times i miss him, but its my inner unresolved childhood hurt i need to deal with im in therapy. I am working on changing patterns in my life and take time to rest. This morning I threw out a hand towel left from a set I helped him buy when we were still living independently, pre-marriage.
Oh how I wish I had known what narcissists truly are before I got mixed up with him! How different my life could have been! We all wish we did not have a Narc experience! But you are going to be ok. And now you have radar. Next time I will believe myself! They do sho and tell you who they are. In my case it took 13 years AFTER the 14 year marriage and 2 years of dating to get through that long, dark, dirty and sticky tunnel begore I could even see the light in the distance, I have just come into the light and feel exhausted and burned out.
I have managed toset myself up with my home paid off and fairly financially secure. But I am Lots of you guys are too young to forgo another relationship. I do miss many aspects of one. I am grateful I even came out of it in one piece. I honestly will never be the same though. I am changed. No doubt all of the experiences shared here have the common theme of the tragedies brought on by being in a relationship with a narcissist. Awe, Jeri, your post and comment about not ever settling in another relationship really hit home with me. At times I feel Im the only one ever in my situation when in reality, I know i am far from it.
I just wanted to write you a thank you for hitting on some of the things I can absolutely relate with. I realize your post was last year, although you never know, you may read this. Any wisdom you can now offer that you are further alone, etc. Kindly, and with thanks, gina.
Tracy, I just read your comment. I feel for you so much. Please know that you can make an application to the family court and you can do it yourself. They will send you a cover note for an affidavit. Write everything in it. Have it sworn by a JP and you can upload it yourself via efiling. I am not exactly sure how to open a file. You have to be the applicant and there will be instructions. You do not need a solicitor!!! You can do it all yourself. The courts will not grant shared care of a 3 year old child! I have just been through the system.
I wish I had known this before. My solicitor even told me he would. He would not have and I should have gone straight to court back then. The magistrate is much more tolerant of unrepresented people than they are of solicitors who prey on vulnerable people. He will not get shared custody of your baby. I have followed your blog for some time now. Your words and experiences have inspired me. I identified that he was a Nar very early into my 12 yr marriage, but having 2 children, and being a stay at home mom, and him controlling ALL the finances made leaving very scary and difficult!
I also knew he would make my life unbearable, but foolishly I thought he would at the very least take care of our children…. Wrong, the Nar stops at nothing!!! His mission is to financially starve us into a unfair settlement, all while HIS needs are being taken care of, as well AS HIS attorney gets paid to do it! While every activity my children have known is stripped, he goes on yet another vacation! He never emotionally or physically cared for them, but not financially taking care of them brings the Narcissitic to a whole new dimension! Wendy, mine is doing the exact same thing to his boy.
We can have all the righteous indignation we want over this and I did at first, now I use that energy in finding other preferably free things to do with him. Board games have made a comeback, as well as cards. But the more you heal yourself the more you realise that living your life true to yourself the MORE you have. After 25 years of marriage I finally woke up to what was going on in our relationship and after physical voilence decided enough was enough. The backlash that followed nearly destroyed my life, literally.
With good friends around me, I clawed my way back. I believe in Karma and I believe in Law of Attraction. Much love Sandra. Melanie, you have saved so many lives!! I know you have saved mine. You are the only person I have ever come across in 5 years of searching who gave me all the information and healing I needed. I relate to everything you have said. I had all of that pain too. My friend found your website 6 months ago and together we have read all of your ebooks, committed to the narc recovery program and I regularly listen to your radio shows on the way to work.
I still have some healing to do and knowing it works is bliss. Keep it up!! All the women out there still living with narcs, put your faith in Melanie. Trust in the court system and go for it! You will get free too. Your article hit a nerve sooo right!!! If I travelled to him, I always paid for the hotel, five star of course, he would invite his fiends or business associates and make out he was paying, and then put it on my hotel room!!!
My partner who told me I was the love of his life and that he had been waiting all his life for me started a relationship with someone who i thought was a great friend a friend no more one week after I had left. What it did for me was to be absolutely resolute that this man was not going to define me — so its been 7 months since I walked out and I am now in such a lovely place, I am happy with who I am, am very grateful to my supportive friends and am out there dating.
Life is too short and there are some lovely normal functioning men out there — we deserve to be treated well, loved and honored just for being ourselves. My view now is take me as I am — or leave me. Of course I would love to be in a relationship, but I will never compromise my values and allow myself to be treated the way I was again. I agree with Pam, although right now I have no interest in dating. I know that when the time is right, the right person will enter my life when I am not looking for him. Melanie, I wish you could make several appearances on the Dr Phil show in the US and share your experience and knowledge with women here too.
I am so grateful I learned about this personality disorder and with months of counseling I know the warning signs and that I will NEVER again get myself into a relationship like this one. I had to do a lot of work and take responsibility for how I let it go on and the weaknesses in me that I had to build back up. More women need to learn what Melanie is sharing with us. Please please please come to the US and plant the seed to let women know how to get back thier power and what a healthy relationship is.
With much love and gratitude my sweet Melanie! All the things I wanted and dreamed for.
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He has his handmaidens to give him his supply and a flurry of others to take care of him and his children we have one 6 year old together. I have taken his gift and am applying it to many aspects of my life. I am grateful. Im slowly starting to feel better on meds for my panic attacks an CPTSD , thanks to him , but yeh the suns starting to shine again … i love reading your articles , they make my day. Like others he would not let me leave and the police would come as the neighbours called them and finally his was removed after a violent attack on myself in front of my now 2 children 4 years ago.
An AVO was placed on him and I finally thought it was the end of it but he just kept breaching the orders and at the same time started legal action against me in the family court for visitation of the children I had agreed to him seeing them but I was asking the courts for DNA testing for the eldest, he stopped it by signing a Statutory declaration saying that he was the father and the court dismissed my claim.
He then got visitation which only lasted 3 visits as he pyshically assaulted both of them. He continued his court games until finally imprissoned for breaching the AVO but his actions in court meant that my childs name had to be changed to his and he was formally known as her father. My solicitor said that the court will order the DNA but will not punish him even though it is clear he only did it for control. He has not acknowledge their birthdays or christmas. I had to sell and relocate as I was close to Sydney but now in a strange town with no friends or support network trying to comprehend what has happened but unfortunately all i do see is him having it all and i feel that i have failed my children.
Hi kaz , wow its been ages since i been here. I totally feel you. Thank goodness i left my rotton partner behind but the damage he did to my life and self asteem was remarkable.
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I since attracted another so had the same pattern again. I guess thats from getting in a relationship again from a place of no self asteem or self worth. This man actually targetted me. Sending lots of love your way x. Thank you so much Melanie again for another accurate and inspirational article. Brilliant summary of so many narc behaviour traits.
Tracy you can do it! I left with 2 tiny little babies and nothing else but we have our lives! I am excited at a happy , peaceful future with my beautiful babies. I am walking my truth. I can relate to what you write and it hurts deeply I know. You deserve a life free from pain. Mel all I can say is thank you. I am still getting through my separation with a narc , and no communication is the best way. I did read that courts are changing rulings on abusive relationships and shared care but I lost faith after my teenage boys put in affidavits stating abuse and they still allowed unsupervised overnight contact!
I go back in October. Tracey your story gave my shivers as I can feel where your at and not sure were your living but I am in qld and you are more that welcome to stay with me babes in arms and I know of fantastic support networks to get u on ur feet. Hi everyone, Great article Melanie;thank you and so many of us can identify with your experiences. Many of the responses here are very moving to see what others are going through and have been through. Many of these people are not only narcissists but psychopaths. They are clearly sadistic,and literally enjoy causing harm and devastation to others.
Many of them are responsible for much of the domestic violence and child abuse that occurs. The evidence shows that these people never ever change their behaviour in the long term no matter the therapy, batterer programs, or consequences that are mandated by courts or other authorities. But as we all know, many never resort to physical abuse;they are to skilled at verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse, intimidation, control, bullying, withholding, demeaning, criticising etc which brings so many of us to a point of severe anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder where we can not function.
We continue to make excuses for them, forgive them, feel sorry for them, take them back, believe them again etc, yes I did all that over and over… Melanie you are so right, they never do have a great life. The narcissists I have been involved with -one my mother- have both told me that they caannot feel anything and can not really enjoy anything that is not carnal or high risk. You do not say what age your son is; that this man has told him he should be dead is unlikely to ever be forgotten by your son. Act now, and you will receive assistance from Melanie and many others in planning and safety issues.
There are some really good articles there and a really good magazine called- safer relationships. Tracy please post again — would so like to hear from you again and share your steps forward; may the Angels be with you. Why would you expect anything different from a narcissist? Only YOU have the ability to make a difference to both your life and that of your children.
I still want to believe that my ex partner is a good person but i am so aware of how she manipulates everything around to see it her way. I have donethe no contact for nearly twleve months , its been the toughest thing in my whole life to achieve , I still hang onto hope , how silly this now seems. Weird how we do that. But I think it just shows our desire to be self aware and to get to our authentic selfs. Like you , part of me still waits for him to come back! Could we ever go back , knowing what we know now and how doomed we would be?
Thank you so much for this article. In the increasing moments of inner peace I instinctively know what you have written to be true. I am still working through the legacy of the narcissistic abuse but am better able to not listen to the whispers of self-doubt and to recognize instead my own beauty and self-worth.
Your article is a needed reminder that I will keep and reread when I am feeling somewhat caught in the illusion. I have included 2 poems I wrote through the healing process. They demonstrate the progression of the healing. If they speak to others and can offer some hope this will put a smile in my heart. You said we were soul mates And I wanted to believe In the story being weaved. But like Narcissus gazing Into the pools of my eyes You needed the reflection of love To fill the abyss within The insatiable darkness Consuming the light given Offering only faint shadows In return.
Yet your twisted vines Took root in my heart And I had been groomed To be a gardener Of wounded landscapes. So I clung To every glimmer of sun That seemed to struggle through clouds That never wept And never fully thawed The frost from the soil Yet still tantalized When I stood on the edge of defeat With the allusion Of what the seeds could become. And I kept tilling the earth Exuding warmth with my efforts Securing fragile tendrils With caring limbs Giving nourishment From my internal spring. But the promise of buds Did not flower From your stunted boughs For the parched ground Could not be slaked And the thirsty spasms of your vines Pierced me with their thorns But you did not notice I was bleeding My life slowly seeping Until I was a shadow of my self.
They say love heals all wounds And this is a lesson hard won. I am no longer tending your landscape. I am tending my garden instead. But I stood at the edge And gently loosened The roots of previous pain Tethering me to my wall of safety Then closed my eyes Turned away from doubt And surrendered To the free fall. Perhaps I did not love wisely Trusting in arms that did not hold me as I fell The plummet to earth Leaving me battered and bruised.
But I would not undo My blind leap from the edge Nor rewrite the story Knowing the end And I will not catalogue the reasons That I should have guarded my heart To convince myself I do not care. Perhaps I did not love wisely Believing in someone Who could not believe in himself And know love to give in return. But though not wise It could not be foolish For it braved my defenses And gave spark to my heart So I will weep my sorrow Without regret or shame Finding strength in the knowledge That I can feel such pain. Lauren thank you for sharing your incredibly beautiful poems!!
This is truly your soul on wings!! The truth and beauty of your poem resonates within my own heart. Thank you for sharing and providing comfort to those of us in recovery. Liz, what a great post. Everything you say resonates profoundly! I feel that, painful and awful though it was, this 7 month experience has taught me much about human nature and myself. Sorry, my previous post ended up in the wrong place! I meant to write to Liz, to tell her how incredible the poems are.
I have them taped to my mirror to give me strength every day. I guess the lesson I learned that we must love and honor ourselves before anyone else. That flies in the face of how I was rasied, to be of service to others. But after 7 months with a Narc, I now see the truth behind what you captured so elegantly and lyrically in your poems. Lauren, that was absolutely beautiful, how gifted you are to write poetry like that. Thank you for sharing your gift.
As I read this, it deals with mostly men and female relationships. Is it possible in the beginning that the relationship was so wonderful. I was always encouraged and was told how wonderful I was; but over time about 3 years later, I started to get insults and was made to feel like less than zero. I was at one time a courageous, outgoing, fearless woman. Getting another job for me has even been difficult whereas in my past I never feared it.
I tried to break ties with this person but I have no other friends to call or hang out with. I feel like I gave this person more power than I should have. I just know that by the time I began to understand that the relationship could possibly be toxic, I had reached an all time low in my spirit where it was a pain that was so unbearable.
I prayed and asked God to please heal my heart and help me to build a foundation thats solid so I can start to attract the right people in my life. While I was in this relationship, I had started another relationship with a gentlemen who was just a friend. My first time here. Perfect for me to read. I have been sinking on and off for two months. My ex. No closure for me , not a single conversation. He just wrote me off. This article helped trememdously. Thank you Melanie! Today feels like it will be a good day. If this man really loved you he would not have reacted so severely to your request.
Uou will be similarly punished should you speak up again. He is trying to train you to be silent, have no requests or needs. Really ominous sign. After being in a 2 year relationship and drained financially, emotionally, and physically, I realized that there was nothing that I could say or do to make anything right! The punishment to be silent.. I went many nights sleeping alone and ignored. After leaving him two weeks ago and the worst pain and humiliation in my life! It is getting easier. I can walk to my door. Three months later, he lost his job and I returned the ring.
I went to Saks, showed them his letter and the Fine Jewelry Department printed me a receipt showing the ring was returned and the charge was removed from his account in Attached below is the Saks receipt. As an attorney practicing in U. Just because an attorney representing a narc contacts you and demands something, it does not mean this is the law. There are plenty of dishonest lawyers out there willing to make fraudulent claims that have no connection to the law or actual facts.
Narcs are very skilled in finding such lawyers. The very definition of fraudulent behavior. Know this: the engagement ring is a promise to marry, but when the narc brakes his own promise, he does not get to get the ring back. YOUR ring, your property, it was not a loan that you have to give back under any circumstances.
Ladies, keep your rings, sell it and use the money to buy yourself a better future away from the narc. Narcs try to objectify you similar to themselves, with no feelings. Respect yourself and your feelings. Take bs from no-one. My ex asked me to marry him. I chased him, we were together then for 2 years later and he just got worse and worse over time and everything was my fault, i was arguing too much i was not making him feel loved enough i was talking to him like shit.
Anyhow last thursday he dumped me again with a silly reason to end it again, and although im going insane as again there is no closure no remorse from him or anything. I cant believe how unemotional and cut off he is because i really thought he loved me. Now i am really torn and cant eat or sleep and what makes it worse is that i have learnt through this post that they just go and find someone else so easily and that i meant nothing. I know ill get over it but bloody hell its going to be hard.
This happened to me. We were engaged, he found is funny to rub other women in my face. The day I decided to move out he had created a dating website. He told me that he did this for me. So that I would find him and realize we were meant to be. Then, he asked me to come over and talk. We decided we would give it another shot and he would work on himself. But, In order for it to completely work I would need to shut my mouth and stop being a rude person.
I thought to myself this will never get better! I had to go back to my place to pick up a delivery and decided I would go back to his place later in the eveneing. I tried calling him without an answer and decided to just go over maybe he was asleep. I got there and knocked and there was no answer, Then he pops his head up and says it is to late through the front door. After a few minutes lets me in.
I sat down and noticed that there was a pair of womens boots, and a purse on the floor.
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He had no shirt on and was drinking. I asked him what was going on? He said he had a friend over. I asked — She left her shoes? He said he mas a mistake and she was just a friend. To me it did not appear as just friends. He blames me for him being lonely and having another woman over.
I struggle believing he was not doing anything. He has lied to me so many times. Thank you for that reminder. Could the realization of the true self initiate an empathetic reaction? In fact, they stage a final grand drama before they exit. They also leave behind their flying monkeys who keep up their saintly image. So I guess they get only occasional glimpses of their tortured souls.. I am going through a break up with a Narc as well right now. I need to tell my story as a caution to others, so please read my story and do not make the same mistakes as me….
We met online. I am from Hawaii and he was living in Arkansas. I want to keep this story simple and to the point. So, we met online, he was charming of course, but never asked me about me. It was all about him. Again, he was incredibly charming and sooo loving and told me over and over again that we were meant to be, that we were soulmates. We are the same age, both in mid thirties. I have no children and never been married. He, at the time, told me that he only had one child, a girl. That was lie number one. After losing contact after only one month, I got over him.
Just out of the blue, he stopped calling me and texting and when I would call him there was no answer what so ever. But, he reappeared one month later. He sent me this long sad email about him being in jail for one month, etc…and that he was flat broke. Well, I didnt believe him….. When i realized that he was telling me the truth and that the only thing that kept us apart was him going to jail, well that made me feel soooo happy. So, the next day of him contacting me and telling me how he is now flat broke due to jail, that he no cell phone due to no minutes, he had no cigarettes, etc….
Mind you again, we only spoke on the phone for a month before he went to jail. So after getting in touch with me again, two days later, he asked me to fly to Arkansas and live with him. Everything was happening sooo fast…. I only had a few days before I left Hawaii and fly to Arkansas to be with my soul mate.
So, when I arrive in Arkansas, I realize that my soul mate and I were quite awkward towards eachother. It was always about him and his messed up childhood filled with endless abuse and his nasty divorce, etc……. The first night when i arrived here, we got super drunk…in fact we drank every night for the first week.
He had no manners at all….. He was never gentle and romantic like he professed to me while i was back home…. He always played the victim…always. I tried leaving him several times in the beginning of the relationship bc we had gone through such rough horrible times, not having a place to live, no car, etc… it was horrible. We even lived in motels due to no money bc he didnt have a stable job, only seasonal type jobs. I worked full time but the hours were limited and plus we had no car, so i had to take a job that i could walk to, etc… we were living in a motel so i took the job that was close to the motel.
So, we lived our lives for the next 2 years in broke land…. Also the Narc could never hold down a job job. Finally, we got evicted yet from another place so we had to move in with his younger brother, yet again. Finally, I got this great job and we got a car he never had a Drivers License in all his 36 years of life and things were looking up for us, finally. Well, the Narc and his brother got into a huge fight one day, and the brother kicked us out in the middle of the night during winter.
We had no place to go, nothing…it was horrible. Again, I wanted to leave, because I did not need to go through all this hardship being with a man that really never SHOWED me just how much he loved me or cared about me….. It was always about HIM. When I wanted to leave him, because we fought alot and argued even more due to no money, didnt get along, he was too immature and i always felt like he was lying to me when he would tell me that he loved me soooo much…it always seemed insincere and fake.
After getting kicked out, we moved into a motel, again. But i had a good job this time so we werent gonna stay there long. While living in the motel, Narc left his job bc he worked there with his brother that kicked us out, so now Narc didnt have a job, yet again. But one day, Narc got in touch with his old boss whom he framed houses with before many years ago and that boss put him to work immediately.
Narc was a hard worker, but then he burns out and then doesnt go to work, thats the pattern i ve seen with him. That was the beginning of the end for what somewhat had resembled at the time an ok relationship. They sent us money and even got us an apt. A month after we moved in, the Narc started to hang out with our 20 something year old neighbor whom, was a bachelor and had no cares in the world. The neighbor would have lots of young ppl over at all hours of the day and night….
He started acting really strange, etc… you know the signs…. He would now spend all hours at neighbors apt…. Basically, Narc told me that he was smoking meth and wanted me to know about it because he is just soooo honest and would never hide anything from me etc…… I could not believe that the man i fell in love with became a meth smoker. He had smoked it before during his youth etc… He told me that he had control over that and that he wouldnt smoke it anymore etc…well he lied and lied and lied.
Basically, he stopped coming home or taking me to or picking me up from work. He treated me so bad, so bad that i cannot even think about it right now. Well, Narc would always steal my money, take my money from joint acct, etc….. So, we got evicted, but we didnt know where to go etc…all the while he is still not coming home, never calls or texts, etc….
He left me only with my 2 suitcases and couple bags. I am no angel, but I am a good woman. I stood by his side no matter how hard the road was. So, after seeing that HE really did leave ME, i got soooo scared that i called him. He answered, and told me that he left me bc i was such a bitch to him, that i had called him names, that i was such a negative person, that I broke his heart into pieces, etc… just basically saying that i was this awful person who made HIS life miserable.
I made his life miserable???!!! So, when i called him that wednesday night after he had moved everything out, I did beg him to take me back and not to leave me. I was sooo scared and in shock. I looked like a fool, with no self esteem no nothing. I was just a shell of a person. He had brought me down, down, down….. I was lost. Lost, confused, hurt, damaged, etc… plus i had NO family here, barely a friend, etc…. After i begged him, he did the classic Narc behavior, of that it was ALL my fault that HE left me, did drugs, didnt want to come home, he made sure that he drilled that in me one last time.
He humiliated me over the phone like always and then told me that he didnt want to see me fall so if i need a ride to go to a motel that he would help me with a ride. After 3 years, all i get from this man was a ride to a motel in Arkansas. So, after the Narc got off the phone with me, I felt like my world had ended. I cried till the morning. I called my girlfriend from work and she took me to a hotel.
That was last week Thursday. I got paid that day too and i had already opened up my own bank acct and when i told Narc this, he was furious but was too high to do anything about it. He always took my money!!! I have never had my own money while living with him…. So, I rented a hotel room for the week, and i had 4 days off back to back…so I moved into hotel to deal with all this. On Friday i had to see the Narc due to the car i had not seen the Narc since Monday- same week- at pm when he kissed me one last time and told me one last lie that he was coming right back after running some errands…well i didnt see him after that that is until Friday So, on Friday, I decided to give him the car and put it under his name now now that he has a DL.
I didnt call him since he had left me Monday night, but did call him on Wed due to shock of him leaving me….. He said ok and then kept on going on and on….. He knew that i knew what he was really all about. He knew it. So, as we approached my motel and he doesnt know what room number he never asked and i never told he was pissed, he dropped me off at the far end of the motel so that i would have to walk in the rain that day….. Blaming me for HIS actions. I never called him or texted or nothing.
So, a few days later on Sunday morning, the Narc had tried to be friends with my male friend on FB and then when that didnt work, he posted a nasty little comment on my FB post from !! In fact, he is so messed up that HIS own family wants to help me out financially and emotionally. He has not contacted me yet, except for that FB comment…..
I have gotten away from him. Yes, im living in a motel right nonw, but itll all change soon for the better for me. I DID! Ppl ask me if im going back to Hawaii and NO i am not, i like it here and im gonna have a new start here. The crazy Narc did not break me! Chanel Girl. No warning bells at all were ringing at this point? Who would have thought that a man who just got out of jail may not have been of very good character?
A very high proportion of people who end up in jail have personality disorders. Perhaps you have learned this lesson now. Great article… Thank you. My question is…do they know their way is not right? Do they truly believe they are right and you are the crazy one; or deep down to they know what they do and how they manipulate and hurt people?
Stuff newborn moms should know
My narc sat me down and told me over hours his amazing insight into his appalling behavior. He even did an NPD online quiz and scored off the scale…. He then sent the quiz results to me with a note….. Does my NPD scare you:-? He put a smiley face on it?! I was sad but also hopeful that insight might mean he can get better …… No…. Means I am now forced into a decision… Accept the brutality it is just me… or try to get away….. Anyway I think you are right … They sort of know, but ironically …. Blessings x. I line that was built back in the honeymon hook. But God she my friend is just a great actor!!
LOL I keep in mind nothing material can make you happy! Not a fancy event! From ARgentina… Me. This article has made me feel so much better. My ex N ended our relationship for the third time 5 days ago. He has the house, ferarris, expensive watches, etc but he was always feeling he deserved so much more. He keeps buying more and more cars etc but never getting real satisfaction from them as they are left in garages for years at a time.
He was not satisfied with our life together and never committed to me. I cant believe I still feel hurt from the abandonment, yet again. He said he cant give me the love and affection I deserve!!! I am going to recover from this and move on, thanks for your help and support. The truth is he had been cheating on me for months and left me for her. Why do i still miss him? Still wish he would call? My doctor has nothing to say other than, it my issues could be hormone surges and some women have taken as long as 18 months to get back to normal.
If this is the case, then why do they immediately go to this option for women? Since then I have had irregular periods ever sine until now. Last night my husband and I had intercourse and I woke up this morning covered in blood and I have been bleeding heavy all day. The cramps are strong and painful. I have had six children in the last 11 years and my husband and I have been trying to conceive another. Never had trouble before. I think its the depo shot. But why now?
Why so heavy? So painful. In my teens and early 20s my period was so painful, with cramps and back aches that left me with tears in my eyes, nauseous on the floor, praying for it to pass. When I was younger I took the pill, but hated the discipline and management needed to take a daily pill at the same time everyday, and I was worried about weight gain.
No daily pills? No periods? No cramps and awful back pains? No pregnancy on top of all those perks?? Count me in. Oh, hell yeah!!! Sign me up!!! Yep, I enjoyed them. But, OFF depo? January of this year I got my last depo shot. She was not comfortable issuing me more than one last dose as it appeared I may have been on depo as long as or longer than 10 years. I had no idea what was to come. I had to buy new clothes. I feel like a stuffed sausage. Thank god for Prozac. My boobs hurt so bad and nipples are so hard all the time I feel like I should audition for a porn.
Hopefully I helped some woman with my story. Best of luck!!! You may look young,nobody will see how you suffer but my god the body will feel ancient!!!! Chin up sweet cheeks x. A little about myself and backgroud : At age 19 after my son was born I took a contraceptive pill. I wasnt given any information apart from I may put on weight…. I have questioned over the years could it of been the injection or could it have been a 12 week course of smoking patches???
I carried on working, I carried on feeling quite ill but I decided not to get the injection again something was causing this and if the injection then surely things would get better.. Diagnosed with CFS nothing GP can do for me unless I want anti depressants which have good side effects of insomnia and energy I tried.. Can I blame my GP probably not he may not of had all info to hand at the time but some counties have got lawsuits with this pharm comp so who in UK is gonna take up lawsuits for us…they could make a fortune form us less fortunate!!!
Ruined important friendships, made me emotionally unstable, and I attempted to commit suicide the day after my birthday. Yeah, I highly recommend staying away. I read the possibility of depression and increased anxiety level. I made myself aware of the possible side effects. No amount of research could have prepared me for the most difficult 3 months of my life. Trust me. You do not want to deal with the repercussions. Stick with condoms or regular birth control pills. I was wondering does the depo have anything like the antidpressant properties. Somewhere I read it did.
I have had three shots and now and it finally stopped my months of bleeding. Although my bipolar was stable and having issues now. Also when I take the shot around week two it make me itch and go numb especially around the mouth. I can deal with it with benadryl but is that safe? My question is, is there a treatment for any of this? Does it get better? So many people have commented that the symptoms of withdrawal are real, but there is no feedback on treatment or recovery.
I had my last injection in February I was fine the entire time I was on it. Has anyone else had these body pains and muscle weakness, and does anyone have any answers. I have read after 3 years of using that bone loss osteoporosis is comparable to that seen in women going through menopause and within 30 months of stopping bone levels return….
I would think bone loss could cause pain so could bone returning to normal also be the cause of pain x. I only had one more injection in May and bled the whole time so I decided that the May injection would be the last. By June, the bleeding had stopped but there is a strong odor coming from down there, especially after sex. I have a six year old so I know what it feels like to be pregnant and that is exactly how I feel. I get nauseous constantly, my back hurts, my breasts feel engorged, and I feel so weak.
I feel insane. I barely sleep. Well wishes to you and your recovery. I hope we make it out of this nightmare soon. This letter explains in detail how the injection can cause chronic backache and render one handicapped as a result of pain. I am in a similar boat. After my third injection my lumbar vertebrae area is almost in continual pain. I cannot walk the dog, cycle or participate in my much loved aerobic classes at the moment. I have been reduced to moving in the pool on a noodle just over a period of a month. The pool, however, is proving to be my saving grace as being weightless in water allows me to run, walk and jump in the pool, all exercises that strengthen essential lower back muscles weakened by depot prevera.
I am 2 and a half months in to my first shot and I had no idea I could experience so many side effects, the worst of it is night sweats, waking up times a night, trouble sleeping, non stop spotting for over 2 months now , no sex drive, and mood swings. I was not informed properly of the side effects and told that at most I would probably just experience spotting. This is definitely the worst thing I have ever done to my body. I am scared to find out what the withdrawal effects might be. Is there some way to report side effects so that the FDA has a better understanding of how many women are affected by this drug?
Biggest regret of my life was getting that one shot. Not right! It should be banned! That ended in a miscarriage and I decided to try a new method. I wanted to try this because after talking to friends and several other people from work, they had successful and positive stories of their experiences. The last shot I received was in January From the time I started the injection up until now, Dec. Absolutely nothing!
Always a run around. My horomones are ridiculous. Mood swing after mood swing. Anywhere from thinking my boyfriend is the best person in the universe, to wanting to ball my eyes out over the stupidest things, then to wanting to kill every living thing I seen. I yell and scream at my dog, boyfriend, parents, family and friends over the dumbest of things. Then I cry my eyes out over my boyfriend forgetting my order wrong at the drive thru. Never in my life have I ever been like this. I just wish it would end already! Jokes on me. I will never take the depo provera injection again and I will let others know my story of experience if they tell me they want to try it.
I wish this all would end. Since i stopped the injection,i have been having serious chest and backpain. I was on the depo shot for 2 years then I had stopped I had no symptoms at the time. I got pregnant 6 months later with my son! The only thing it did for me was help me with my skin disease! Other than that it was a horrible decision! I agree that doctors should have to tell people the side effects of being on depo and stopping it.
After experiencing difficulty breathing, chest pain, heart palpitations and other scary symptoms, I went to a doctor — she told me I am breathing wrong, that it is my fault even though this never happened before depo, that there is nothing that can be done to help me and no medication for it….. I hope they stop giving it. I am also in this camp of anger, regret, and uninformed choice regarding depo. Not ovulating, diagnosed with PCOS, gained 20 pounds, mood and depression struggles…all the things.
I wish there was a class action lawsuit or something I could join to get this off the market. I got this shot 3months ago. Especially the irregular bleeding. It really kills me. I am so scared. Is there any way that can stop bleeding and back to my normal cycle? I had Depo for contraception for over 20 years and my periods stopped completely. I was advised by my Dr to stop using it because of the health risks due to my age Has anyone else had unexplained weight loss??
I have to say, I am surprised your Dr. Let you take the shot for so long. When I began the shot when it first came out in , my Dr. Stated you can only take the shot for up to 5yrs then you must get off it to give your body a rest. I am 48 I have been off the shot for 8 yrs. No cut, not tied or burnt. My advice, just stay on it. My last shot was 9 months ago and I am now realizing after reading these posts that my issues are most likely from the Depo.
I thought my GERD had returned but my symptoms include acid reflux, stomach pain, menstrual cramps, nausea, leg and back pain, joint aches, insomnia, and increased anxiety. Have lost 13 pounds in 6 weeks because nothing sounds good most of the time. And none of these symptoms are mild! Making myself keep moving even when I just want to puke! I am going to purchase a Tumeric supplement hoping it will help. I have been on depo 30 years, will be 50 soon and my dr.
I at one time was told to stay on it till 55 and then a gradual weaning for 2 years, then you would not experience menopause. I have been getting the shot for 12 years; I am getting ready to stop. I would say for the most part I have been very happy with the results. Only within the last few years have I had negative side-effects extreme dryness is the worst.
As I am reading through the post shot side-effects I am scared as heck what might happen. VERY bad drug! I was ill informed by my gyno. I feel VERY emotionally unstable. I have suffer daily with: headaches, joint pain, visual disturbance, EXTREME lethargy, irrational thinking patterns, unquenchable hunger. It clearly is not good for the human body! Is the weight gain and moods really that terrible right at the start???
I am 28 years old. My husband and i are trying to conceive. I was 5 weeks pregnant with symptoms bad, i went to my dr for a blood test. At 4 weeks it was negative. I recently as of yesterday went to the er to get some answers! I was sick as ever! After several test. I was told my test came back negative and i had already gotten a faint positive on a urine test. A few weeks before. So anyway. The dr told me i had a miscarriage. And i also had a cyst that ruptured and bled out on my left ovary! Ever since i started taking the depo shot i have had reoccurring ovarian cyst.
That put me in my bed for a week. It ruptures im sick for a whole day. And then my period hits! Until now. But my one time of conception. I misscarried! Im still upset. At myself for listening to everyone who said yeah you should get the shot!. I have 2 other children. I missed my shot for 3 months in between my son 11 and my daughter7. I have faith in God. And i know every thing happens for a reason. I just pray he blesses us with another child.
To raise in his honor! Is there anything i can do about this?. These cyst cause severe damage to my body. I lost my child bc my system had been poisoned by a ruptured ovarian cyst. Now after hearing all of this I am nervous to get off the shot but I also want to be able to have another child without complications…..
Brittney I have also been on Depo for 6 almost 7 years and just found out all this information…did you end up stopping Depo or no? How was it? My daughter has had two larspcopic surgeries for blood clots and lost a tube. She gained a tone of weight overnight. Her mood changed she started to act like a old woman. Began shot may 1. Erratic heavy bleeding and regular nausea and mood swings were not worth it. Next shot scheduled for nov 1.
Beginning of January commenced the 15 months of eternal bleeding and still counting. Probably had a total of days out of not bleeding or spotting. I made sure I read all the side effects which were nothing like all the other birth controls. I was on the Shot for 5yrs and gains 15lbs within one yr. I got off the shot for a few yrs then back on to discover later on my hair was thinning out. That side effect was NOT on the box nothing mentioned about your hair thinning out or falling out. It has been 8yrs and the worst part of the adverse side effects is I am constantly feeling pain in my buttocks muscles where I had been given the shot.
It becomes very painful and an extremely uncomfortable feeling. It scares me.!!! Thinning hair is often related to a thyroid imbalance. My doctors never warned me about the side effects. They told me that they are just like any other birth control symptoms! I also blame myself for not doing research. I was concerned more about finding an affordable birth control than being concerned about having more kids. Took my 1st shot in and after the 3rd I decided to stop.
It was 3 years without menstruation…Now I am under treatment to see if I will be able to get pregnant again, but the doctor is not sure if it is gonna happen. I was on it for 3 years and the other than a very slight weight gain I had no issues at all. My periods were limited to a couple of days of spotting once every 3 months, and I became pregnant within 6 months of going off of it. For me Depo was an excellent positive experience eliminating the worry about missing a pill, and having no periods and no PMS was freakin awesome.
Just thought I should balance the negative with some positive. Well it might not work for every woman, some of us would highly recommend it. Good to hear. I had no moods swings until I was coming off it and my joints were like an old woman. Its hard to tell if its the depo or age slowing the body down lol. I am going back on it tomorrow, as im 46 and cant handle the periods any longer. This is the worst drug ever for women that i dont undetstand how still provided to women. I had one shot last year in June, i am still getting side effect currently in may almost a year after. I had to see my gyno to stop the bleeding somehow and he told me this symptoms could last for two years.
So if you use depo, you wont get pregnant since you will be bleeding all the time, give you a horrible mood swing so no one would have intercourse with you. I have wasted so much money on tampons, appointmemt with specialist, and not to mention that i had to pay for this injection ruined my life for the past year. Do not recommend this to anyone unless for someone you hate so much want to make her life miserable.
March came around and I started bleeding and here it is may and I am bleeding and cramping ten times worse. Going through pads practically every hour. The deposit shot is the worst thing any girl can do to their body.. I hope they take this off the Market quick before it messes up more women. I used depo-provera from not to prevent pregnancy per se but to reduce periods since age , heavy and as painful as you can imagine —it worked and I got absolutely none during that time. Being overseas in the military in a highly physical job, it was the smartest option for me. It worked for me…once, however after my last ob-gyn appointment this year, I was prescribed it again almost cavalierly.
But I feel like if I am not asking for that relief through a drug, why would she push it? Although she prescribed it and seemed to assume I would take it, I still felt uneasy. I trusted myself and found this article. Thanks for posting this article! I started on the depo when I was 19 after suffering years of terrible heavy periods. My period stopped altogether and I was glad to see the back of them. The only side effect I had was a 7lb weight gain. I stayed on the injection for 8 years. I had a bone scan and that was normal. I came off the injection and had no period for a further 2 years, my doctor put me on the pill for a year to get me back into a monthly cycle.
Then I came off that. My period was erratic for 6 months and then they returned back to a normal 28 day cycle and now I have 2 sons aged 4 and 3 years old. What is suitable for one person, may not be suitable for another. I had to get the reversal shot and I normalized within 30 min. I gained lbs in 3 months on the stuff, and I was skinny.
Ever since I have trouble losing weight and gain it easily. I am I was injected with Depro Provera, one time 24 years ago, in my left bottom cheek. It was terrible. I never got another injection, but right after using it I started with health issues like Fibromyalgia and IBS. I had always been super healthy before taking that horrible shot. Within a few years I had three cracked vertebrae.
I have had severe pain in the left side of my neck, left side of my head and left arm, which I attributed to these skeletal issues. Last year I was diagnosed with Pelvic Congestion varicose veins in the pelvis, thought to be caused by changing hormone levels, weakening the vein flaps, which are suppose to close and keep blood from flowing back into these veins. When the flaps fail, the blood pools in that area and keeps the adequate amount of blood from circulating to the legs and back up to the hear.
I have had a vein embolization and full hysterectomy to try to elevate the symptoms. While I am able to walk now, I do not have adequate circulation and I am limited physically. It is crushing my soul. I still have terrible pain in my neck and shoulders and left side of my head. I now know that pain was not all caused by the skeletal issues, but instead, circulatory issues from the pelvic congestion.
Either way, I believe Depro Provera is at the root of all of this, especially after reading so many cases of the horrible side effects on the bones, veins, heart, neurological system, and emotional wellbeing of the women who have taken this terrible drug. We have got to get this poison off the market!!! My year-old daughter was diagnosed with a small pituitary tumor that started with a pituitary hemorrhage after taking the Depo shot for 2 years and then stopping the shot. When she first started Depo, she had a fibroadenoma breast tumor removed at age It is hard for the whole family. We pray that her pituitary tumor will resolve itself as they sometimes do.
On the other hand, it could continue to grow, cause more sever headaches and threaten her vision. We pray that her menstration will return and she will be able to conceive. I believe that there are many other women with pituitary abnormalities due to taking the Depo shot and the drug companies need to own up to it. I also believe that drug company representatives read comments such as this one. I wonder how those people can sleep.
I am so sorry to read this. I have a Pituitary tumor I believe is linked to Depo Provera. I am seeking a lawyer to file a lawsuit. Thats good , you know your body well before and after we start up on all this monster medicines and its your rights!!! Im going through tough times too after only 1 depo provera injection and im not the same anyone , i got the shot February 21, and im still having issues bleeding and all?!!!
The Devil created Depo! I was put on that junk back in to help control heavy periods brought on by fibroids. Awful, awful, awful. Had terrible side effects, both physical and psychological. My BP went through the roof! It is great to stop periods and helps if you suffer severe pms. When coming off the injection expect bad mood swings and joint stiffness, you will feel like your mind wants to do so much but your body says wait. Heavy clots. Odour change. Effecting my self confidence.
Working is impossible each cycle making me feel unreliable, and my moods with people are uncontrolled, effecting my relationships with people i love and love me. Hope it works out. Good luck people, what ever you decide. So glad to see women sharing their experiences and raising awareness of the aftermath from taking this drug. I used Depo-Provera for 5 years age , but with being so young I never really made the connection between the medication and the ways I was feeling.
For the entirety of being on the drug, I was horribly depressed and experienced major mood swings, impossibility of losing weight, terrible acne, and many other side effects. Just as with most accounts being told here though, the worst came with coming off the drug rather than being on it. I got pregnant 11 months after taking my last dose, miscarrying 6 weeks into it due to such severe hormonal imbalance that I have since become convinced was caused by taking Depo-Provera for such an extended period of time.
The many side effects were so severe, I ended up having to see an endocrinologist regularly and was later diagnosed with PCOS, directly caused by these hormonal imbalances. Although I was originally told the side effects and suggestion to not be on the drug for a long period of time, once I began taking it I was never advised to come off or made aware of the possible damage that it could do.
Being as young as I was, I feel my ignorance was targeted as a way to maintain my status as a consumer and the consequences ended up being more than just a little sadness here and there — among so many other things, the consequence was my child. That in itself is reason enough to say, I would never EVER suggest this drug as an option for birth control or anything else.
Undoubtedly one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and my most regretted decision. I was on the depo shot for years. While on the shot I had a surgery to remove my right ovary due to cysts from depo in Well while still on repo fighting depression major mood swings lack of sex drive and constantly bleeding in I became pregnant, once again I was on depo and only had one ovary. I have had no stop problems with my body and my doctors speacilist and obs. I have been bleeding for about two and a half years even while I was pregnant. Thanks to the depo and not knowing this horrible shit that can happen my life has been falling in a downward spiral.
I am seeing another speacilist and pretty much all they can tell me is its going to take some time. I am a recent Depo-Provera victim. The events are as such, last November I started experiencing irregular menstrual cycles, I would not bleed for a month or two, then bleed for a day, then not for a few weeks, then bleed again for many days. I would also experience severe pain in my abdominal area, to the point of going to the ER, I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts and was sent on my way, after months of this continued chaos, I was seen by a OB-GYN who, after running test, told me that it looks like i might have Endometriosis, and without surgery, there was no way to be sure, so he was going to treat me as though I DO have Endo, and proscribed birth control as a solution to my issues.
I am already taking a handful of pills everyday, that I cant always afford to refill. The other option I was given was the shot. I figured that since I end up seeing a doctor at least that often for the various other medical issues I have, that sounded like the best option. Within about 2 hours after getting the shot, the severe pain I was in stopped.
All that was left was a minor discomfort from the muscle spasms that occur during menstruation. However, it has been 13 days since I took the shot, ant 14 days since I started my menstrual cycle. I also have been experiencing mood swings. I take an anti-depressant on a daily basis for just that thing, now they are getting worse. My doctor is out of the office for the next week, and the call a nurse I spoke to said to go to the ER.
I took the shot for about a year after my second child and gained so much weight during. I stopped the shots and have been physically sick for 18 years. Diagnosed with Fybro , depression, and so many surgeries and my body does not fight infection well. My youngest son , now 18 made the comment that he has always known me to be sick or just never feeling well. I have a hard time remember things which effects my work and family.
Although this was published some time ago, I feel it is still relevant. When I was on the shot, I love it. Early on, I lost weight. A LOT of weight, a scary amount of weight to the point where I needed to monthly check in with my Dr. Of course as a 21 year old in college loosing seemed to be a blessing so I stuck with it. Looking back I wish I took that to be my warning sign. Flash forward 5 years- a week leading up to my shot, I could feel my body go into withdrawal symptoms- flu like symptoms nausea, shakes etc. When I received the shot, the body aches lasted a couple days, then it was back to normal.
After 3 rounds of this I took this to be a sign that I should stop this medication, my body seemed to be getting dependent on it and I was getting married and looking to have babies- maybe not soon but someday. Flash forward a year and a half to present day- my last shot was in January. This means by April the medication should have been up and my body getting back to normal. It has been anything but normal. Mood swings, nausea, extremely sore breasts, and not a trace of a period.
It is now September and Ive been married a year. We are talking about babies and because of my constant nausea and other odd symptoms we thought we were pregnant a couple times and were actually really excited! After a few tests, we were let down and Ive realized my body is just crazy. Ive called my Dr. She said it could take up to a year next April for me to being ovulating again. How can this be normal and with no forewarnings? I was on the depo shot from to I decided to get off of the shot because I was no longer sexually active. The only side effect I experienced was weight gain.
I am currently back on the depo shot because I am tired of dealing with periods. I absolutely love it and would never use anything else. I have several friends and family members who experienced bad side effects from other forms of birth control and have now switched to the depo shot and have no problems besides a little weight gain. All birth control can and has caused adverse effects for some women.
My daughter has suffered from horrific periods since she began her cycle at age After 2 years of unbelievable cramps and gushing blood the gyno put her on BC pills, they did not work. So, tried another and yet a 3rd BC pill. Finally the gyno offered Deposit Provera. I wish I had changed gyno docs before they injected this toxin into my child. The gyno was so positive. I believed her. I felt safe for my daughter. I have since called the FDA and I am to make a report. Then they want me to call the State Medical Board to report abuse to patients!
I watch my daughter suffer everyday worse and worse. The gushing blood, the unacceptable pain, the increase in appetite! Where did this devil poison come from? How is it even available to anyone, especially teenagers who are suffering horrid cramps and bleeding? How did the FDA accept this to be on the market?
Once the shit goes in, there is no way to stop the destruction, irreversible pain and suffering!!!!! Please help! Regards, A mother suffering in silence. God help us all, my poor baby. I was on the depo for just shy of two years and raved about it. Then I stopped to try for a baby with my now husband of 7 years. A strong bleed and one fun night later we were pregnant again and at 11w 6d we lost our second baby on our honeymoon the night after we married.
From there I bled irregularly and frequently until falling pregnant with our son now 6. This is destroying my marriage and my mental health. Only this week was I informed that the depo has adverse effects on bone density and that with a family history of various forms of arthritis, crumbling spine and osteoporosis amongst other bone issues I should never ever have been allowed to have the depo.
Only now are there talks of reffering me to a gynaecologist and since researching the depo this week the truth is well hidden!!! I hold out very little hope for fixing this mess. I was taking depo- provera from ages and then again from ages I finally decided I had enough when I noticed some weird body changes. Most I still have to this day and I am now I experience hot flashes, mood swings, which to some people I am now known as a person with an attitude, and bad body aches. I have had some hair loss some spots are not growing back and a lot of weight gain. I have been off the shot since the age of 24 and my period just came back last year.
I discussed this with my gyno and even he thought it was strange that my period was delayed for so long. I have been trying unsuccessfully to have another baby. If I knew what I know now, I would have never taking this shot. I am currently not on any form of birth control and I plan to keep it that way because of these experience.
I lost a bunch of my hair, my libido went from high sex drive down to almost nothing. I would have to completely disagree with this article. I was on Depo Provera for 6 years to prevent debilitating cramping when I get my period. I had no side effects from it, and I got 6 years of my life pain free. I have an older sister who was on it for 2 years, no side effects, she went on to have 2 kids, no issues getting pregnant and no problems during her pregnancies. This shot gave me my life back. I was never ever told about what I was about to experience, and always just trusted what I had been taking was ok!!
Nieave really! My breast are ridiculously sore, even just on my bra, and wake me in the night if I move. I would welcome and support anything that assist in letting women know what they are letting themselves into when taking this drug. I hope more is done to prevent how myself and other woman feel.
I was administered the depo provera shot about 10 years ago and ended about 4 years ago. I was told it was no longer available on the market. I believe that it is the cause of my osteoarthritis in my knee joints and now my hip joints, which came on suddenly and rapidly. I am looking to see if there is a class action lawsuit against the manufacturer as there is in Canada.
I was looking into this, there was something in in Montreal and in in Calgary if I remember right. In I was lbs. I started gaining weight and bled everyday for six months straight. And went up to lbs. This is and I am still trying to get the weight down. I would rather have a babies than do it again. My weight is now lbs. It was the end of my great sex life as I knew it. Within a week I started bleeding. I thought it changed my date to have a period.
I was rushed to the ER and was told I was hemorrhaging. I would never recommend this horrible shot! It changed my sex Life forever. It will never be the same. I was given the depo shot years ago. Before having the shot I was a normal year old, everything seemed fine until 2 months into the depo shot. I went from being a little wacky montly due to period to a complete and utter mess. I would cry myself to sleep every single night and I had no idea why I was crying for months. I was extremely depressed, emotional, crazy, angry and everything else in between.
After two months and having felt that way I decided to NOT take the depo shot ever again. I thought everything would go back to normal but no, it only got worse from there. Month 3 came and I basically had a period for 3 weeks in a row with spotting on the 4th week, for 8 months. I went to the hospital to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. The doctor said that my uterine wall was very thin which was why I was bleeding for so long?? Not to mention my libido went down the drain by month 3 and continued to fizzle in the years to months to come.
Its been almost 4 years since and I have horrible periods, crazy mood swings that not even satan himself wants to look at me, horrible cramps and clots that I never had before Ive had my period since the age of Zero sex drive, gone, poof hasnt made its way back at all since then either. When I do have sex extremely painful and uncomfortable, sharp shooting pains and dryness. I get mine at a clinic for woman County family health place.
I tried the pill, but that made me sick and hormonally I didnt feel myself. So, they put me on depo. Push yourself to move forward…YOU choose what happens now. I was molested as a child, rape, my mom in a wheelchair my who life, from yrs old I was in Mt state custody, married-widow. I was on Depo Provera for 5 years. According to the hospital, this was all caused by the Depo injection. I was told to get off of it, which I did.
Was told no more contraception or anything to help through menopause. The following 3 months were horrendous. All the best. Depo definetly did not work for me. I took the shot in August and i am still bleeding, some days are worse. I was on this at 13 for a hormonal imbalance, I was perfectly fine. When I stopped it my periods came back after a while.
After my first dose I had heavy bleeding and cramps so bad I had to quit my job. The gynecologist I saw told me it was probably just the first shot and getting the second should even it out but here I am doubled over in pain and bleeding again. Definitely not getting this shot ever again. I had some breast tenderness and stronger odour while on it but it took care of all the period problems. When I came off it my periods started up the next month.
I am contemplating going back on it again to control the debilitating migraines I get from hormones the week before my period. The gyno said to use it but reading all these comments give me pause. I am now 51 with no menopause in sight and the pain meds are getting to be too much.
Seriously debating this. This year I dealt with painful ovarian cysts, which seemed swept under the rug by medical professionals as not something to worry about. I suspect the long-term use of the depo shot is to blame somehow, even though this concern was also ignored by medical professionals I spoke to. Although I had a great experience with the depo shot at first, I worry at the lack of long-term studies. I agree I was never given enough information. Sometimes I was told of the risk of bone loss, and other times that was completely downplayed, for example.
The horrible withdrawal symptoms many women have described going off of the shot remind me of the withdrawal symptoms of psychiatric medications stopped suddenly. Why is a similar option not offered or even discussed for stopping hormonal birth control? It seems like it would save women a ton of emotional pain!
Can I request a gradually lowered dose, of the shot itself or some other way of taking gradually lower dosages of progestin? This was my first time taking birth control, depo has messed up my monthly cycle. While I was on Sept everything wasd fine. I hope that your recovery is much faster than mine has been. My husband and i had a mid life crisis. We have been separated for 2 years.
He filed for divorce in March I recently learned he has a mistress, he left home and it has been so terrible because i could not endure the heart break, then i came across Dr Mack on the internet about his good work and how he has brought unity among couples who had relationship issues. So far, no doctors or nursee have been able to give me answers for this. Also, there was a time when I lost my health insurance so I had to miss the shot. It was horrible! Constant spotting and period cramps. I was given depo provera in I had just had my second daughter 14 months after the 1st.
I was 19 at the time and had loads of energy and no depression. Within weeks I was permanently tired and really depressed. I also piled on weight and felt like I had never ending pms. The Dr came back in 10 weeks gave me another injection and said that it would cure all the symptoms. They got worse. It took about 6months for my symptoms to go and to shake off the pms. I felt fine after. I was on Depo for about 7 years.
In due to not being able to afford the injection anymore I stopped getting the injection. The first 3 months were a nightmare for me. I was one of those lucky people who never really got cramps. For 3 months straight I had cramps so bad that I could not get out of bed. Then around month 4 I started to bleed. I thought thank God the worst part is over. I was wrong my period continued non stop for 4 more months. I went to my doctor several times during this time and was told give it time it will work itself out.
How long am I supposed to wait? I regret ever going on this birth control f or the pure fact that I feel like I have no control over my body. I wish moire information had been avaiable about what could happen if I ever stopped this meddication. I myself have never taken this shot, but 2 of my sister and a cousin did. It caused weight gain, mood swings, thoughts of suicide and excessive bleeding. I told my 14 year old daughter and her father these things when we were discussing birth control over the phone.
So instead of listening he glee his girlfriend take our daughter to the health department and they let her get this shot. I am furious. I myself has been taking the Depo shot for over 8 months and has had continuous bleeding. I was told that after 6 months the bleeding would stop, but has not. This is ridiculous!!! I had recently taking the shot after my son was born 13 years ago and did not have this problem.
Not sure if they are using different stain of this drug or not. This is terrible and I feel awful. I have lost weight instead of gained. Mood swings, I have them. Now I have to go through the torture of allowing this shot to wear off in my system. This even ruined my relationship with my significant other. The most horrible thing ever!