We are constantly seeking outside ourselves to fill whatever hole we have, but what we really need is a mirror so we can see the reflection of all the good and light that we shine. I will be the first to admit- I did not like what I saw and the impact this abyss was having on me. It takes time, tears, set-backs, anger, and fear-facing but what it brings in return is so sweet. Everyone is different in both their journey and their healing. My hope is that by sharing what has worked for me will inspire you to seek what will work for you.
Here are some of my suggestions:. The love that they have placed inside my absence is non-replaceable. They have taught me so much about love, healing, and resilience. That last word is the most important: Resilience. I have learned that resilience is not given but can be built. Resilience is the key to healing and when you build it, it will hold your light!
Resilience and how to build it is the foundation of our Club- the suggestions that I am giving are influenced and learned from them. Are they good for you?
Do they bring positivity? Do they help you grow?
Positivity breeds positivity. Optimism is definitely a resilient skill that leads to heart healing. This can be a touchy subject for some because loss and tragedy can lead to loss of faith. I am a guilty party to this. Not necessarily the loss of faith but the anger towards my faith. Letting go of the anger and leaning into my faith.
My cup has over-runneth from helping others. Figure out a way you can give back. Start small. When you help someone else, the focus is shifted off your life and your problems and does so much for stitching that wound and filling that empty space. I looked some of my fears right in the eye and took back control. I went to the Lake where my husband drowned and made it into a healing spot. I faced my fear of loneliness, by accepting not having a partner as a possibility, and yet knowing that I can still have a full life.
Get your fears in-check. Say them out loud. Release them and they will be released from you. A wife, a mother, a counselor. Life after death has put a new perspective on my attitude towards this question. I am trying new things. Asking myself these questions and taking action with my answers.
This post is an example of what I am talking about. Never would I have thought that I would have a blog that people read- I think and have written a book coming out this summer- I know shameless plug. Are you where you want to be? What changes could you make to get closer to answering the questions of finding your purpose? I bare the scar that displays his loss. I still have bad days, tears, anger and frustration. But I now have hope, laughter, dreams of a future, and see so much good that already is and that may come. I guarantee in the end the image you see in the mirror will be one that you recognize different, tweaked- but still you.
That image will reflect the light from inside you, one that has faced hurt but continues to not only live but live with Joy! Christmas day is over, decorations are starting to come down, I think I even saw Valentines decorations up at Target! Our attention is now shifting to the New Year. A fresh start, new beginning, a time for changes to be made, and of course the infamous New Years Resolution. So what does it mean to make a resolution? Most resolutions are very well-meaning- lose weight, stop smoking, travel more, learn something new etc…. I want to challenge you to do the same.
We get so caught up in the material world, looking a certain way, and being someone others want us to be, or we think they want us to be. When I make this simple statement, I feel as I head into the New Year it will enable me to see life more clearly and all the love and joy that surrounds me. Count your blessings as we countdown to !!!! Christmas is a time of waiting. I remember as a child attending church each week during the advent season. Seeing a new candle lit every week with that glee and excitement that Christmas was fast approaching. For some, the waiting could be a beautiful gift under the tree, seeing family that comes from far distance, time off from work, or maybe watching someone open a present that you spent time and care picking out.
Of course, the waiting and anticipation for the small Babe that was born onto us, that died so we may live, should be at the forefront of our hearts and minds! For me tomorrow, December 20th, also marks a period of waiting. Actually, the end of stretch of waiting. After 3 weeks and 4 days, December 20th, was the day that my husband was finally recovered from the lake.
This waiting was drastically different than the above mentioned, but waiting none-the-less. Anticipation given a new meaning during the advent season. But just as we need to prepare our hearts for the coming of our Lord.
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But I have come to realize that during this time, as horrible as it was, it did help prepare me for the arrival of my new life without my husband. I needed to come terms that he was not coming back and start to envision a life without him. There was still preparation that was needed for it to come to an end.
There was much preparation that encompassed all human aspects- of my mind, body and soul. We may not realize it during the time of turmoil, but it is important to take time to reflect after the fact. To learn that those times, that waiting, is going to occur in our lives with both favorable and unfavorable results.
The importance is the reflection after. What did you learn? What are your take-aways? How did you cope? How can you cope differently?
How can your experience help others? Do it at your own pace, do it in your own way, but non-the-less you must do it. So as we come to an end to our advent season. I encourage you to look at your life, reflect on the good, learn from the uncertainty, and always have Hope for good to come. Grief has taught me so many things. It has given me a new lens that I view my life. The rose color was removed so all the light could shine in.
At times the light that shines in is bright, sharp, and intense- just as my grief can be. It also brings warmth, a glow in my heart, and has set my soul on fire to help others. You see this light has given me a new way of viewing my world. I hope I never lose this new view. I know, I know get on with it lady, enough with the confusing light analogy.
Ok, my new lens coupled with my heart to help others, has shown me many things in the past few years, especially as I have been speaking to others regarding my grief, my story. At first, I felt my grief story would be one that could help others through grieving. I was wrong. I want to share my lens with everyone sorry last lens reference. Tonight I spoke in a small group with three other women. All four of us had completely different journeys, different hardships, different tragedies but we had one commonality- that we chose joy despite despair.
My hope is that if you have a story, you will share it. Even if it is just with one other person. You never know the connection or impact that you may have. Listen to your heart, it will lead you to those you need to help and lives that you can touch. We are all connected and sent to love and help one another. As for me, I will keep sharing my story. Let the bright light shine in. Be a magnifying glass, where when the light shines so bright- that you set a fire in others! Life is short but sweet for certain- DMB. Tis the season. Everyone wants to talk about what they are grateful for.
I also know that I have to remind myself daily of the things I am grateful for. It would be very easy for me to look at all the negative. You see my life has changed so drastically in the past 2 years. What I was grateful then , will never hold a candle to what I know is true gratitude now. I want to take you back to this time 2 years ago. In this week of Thanksgiving and gratitude, I lost my husband. My grief journey was born, as my husbands life would come to an end.
Putting words to grief is truly a challenging task. Those pains both emotional and physical were then, gratitude was not a word, worth comprehension. Now is different.
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Gratitude is worth seeking because with every turn it can be found. My poem today is different. My life today is different. There are so many things to be grateful for. Count your blessing both big and small, not just on the week of Thankfulness- Everyday. Cliche as it is- Take it from me, you never know if it will be your last.
I was at church this past Sunday and this phrase rang in my ears. It made me think of my Veteran and the pride he had for serving his country.
Wicked Love: Seven Wicked Historical Love Stories
When I was sitting quietly in church, this passage made me think of my Veteran and those who serve or have served in our Armed Forces. How could this not describe what our Veterans and current military do for us and others on a daily basis. I am a Veterans widow. No, he did not die in service, but I will proudly wear this title because the pride he felt for serving.
I will wear this title for the time we spent apart while he served, for the sights and sounds that he endured, for the sickness and sleepless nights that he survived, for the lives and the people that he helped, for the days, hours, minutes and seconds that he feared he would not return. Thank you for putting yourself at risk, so I can live in freedom, Thank you for sleeping with desert fleas crawling on your body and many other harsh or intolerable conditions, so I can sleep in warm bed.
Thank you for enduring dysentery, ailments, injuries, amputations, and sometimes the ultimate sacrifice of your own life, so I could have access to health care. Thank you for spending time away from your family, so I could live in safety with mine. Thank you for enduring heat and discomfort, so I could live comfortably in my home. Thank you for eating MREs, so I could fill my stomach with good food.
Thank you for your service on holidays, so I could have time off to spend with my family and friends. Thank you for risking your life, for the safety of mine. Thank for the ache you felt daily missing your loved ones: missing the births, weddings, funerals, family gatherings, so I could be present at all of those events.
The list goes on and on and on…. You serve because you love: your country, your family, your community, and those you do not know. My heart swells with pride, knowing the pride my Veteran felt going after the 1. You are humble without need of praise or a pat on the back. This title seemed fitting as we approach Halloween.
Kinda spooky right? I do go to the cemetery. Sometimes at night. And I go by myself. Sounds like the beginning of a horror movie. Who in their right mind would ever think one could take comfort in such a visit to a dark cemetery. This girl does insert thumbs pointing at chest as I say that. Ok, maybe that was lame but- it always worked for my late husband so I thought I would give it a spin. Before my husband died, I was such a baby when it came to anything scary. My brothers probably hated me, but as a young girl I had to sleep in their room. I thought there was a witch in my closet that was surely going to come out as soon as my parents left the room!
As I got older I would never watch scary movies. In fact, I had a leave a party when I was middle school because they were playing a scary movie. I knew if I stayed, I was doomed to have nightmares for weeks. I was such a chicken. As I got older, and married, I could watch a scary movie, but I hated when Andy traveled. I hated being at the house alone my witch turned to home intruders. One would never dream that I could frequent a dark cemetery, alone at night. Then BAM! Like a slap in the face, life takes a very unexpected turn.
You do things that you never thought you would have to do, and you face fears maybe in my case nightmares you never thought you could face.
But you do, you face them. I looked my nightmare directly in the eye, and I found out that yes they were terrifying, yes they were unbelievable, and yes even though I was surrounded by others, I was forced to face them on my own.
Love Is Wicked (song)
What I found in the end, was that I survived. My worst fear occurred, my life changed in a direction that I never thought it would. But it did, and I lived, and continue to live. I could not agree more. Retrieved July 27, Ultratop Les classement single.
True Story Behind 'Extremely Wicked', the Ted Bundy Movie on Netflix
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